A Breastfeeding Story
While I was pregnant with my daughter I researched and scoured the internet for information that would make me the “perfect” parent. The questions that persisted were: What kind of food should she it? How often? How long should I breastfeed? However, after giving birth and being hit with the realities that parenthood entails, such as no sleep, inexplicable crying, and overall fatigue, some things were altered.
One of the things that I didn’t keep my end of the bargain on was breastfeeding. I read about all the benefits and I had decided that that would be the only way I would feed my baby. There was nothing better, and I know this. However, my milk didn’t come in right away and while in the hospital I panicked and gave her some formula. The nurses told me that it would be okay, but I believe that if I would have kept her on my sore breasts I would have produced more milk than what I did. I was so exhausted though that I caved in and gave her formula.
Throughout the next three months I continued to breastfeed but also supplement with formula because the doctor said that she had lost too much weight after leaving the hospital. Now, knowing what I know now about nutrition I know that my poor diet and impatience led to the demise of an exclusively breastfed baby.While I was pregnant I loaded up my body and hers with pizza, ice cream, and any other sweet I could get my hands on. The eating was akin to debauchery. It was horrible!
I also felt like I was always feeding her. By the time that I finished and put her in her crib, she was up again and wanting to eat! I was exhausted and I kept thinking of ways to justify the end of breastfeeding. So, be careful what you wish for! A week before she turned 3 months I noticed I had a rash on my right torso. They looked like blisters and I felt a pain stemming from deep within my body. It was an agonizing pain and only took up the right side of my torso and only that side was filled with blisters. I had no idea what was going on with my body! Again, I turned to the internet for answers and hypothesized that I had shingles.
Now, shingles is considered a disease that only the elderly suffer from. I was 30 years old, so I was far from elderly. I rushed to the dermatologist and he confirmed that I had shingles. I was given a prescription for Valtrex and that marked the end to my breastfeeding. I knew that I could pump to continue my supply, but I decided to take this as a sign and quit altogether. As I was healing from this debilitating disease, I was also healing mentally from all the stress I felt from breastfeeding. At that time in my life I felt the worst guilt possible! How could I be glad that I finally had a perfect excuse to stop breastfeeding? I must be the worst mother and human being alive! I feared my baby would grow sickly because of this decision. However, she continued to thrive and rarely gets sick today. I am thankful daily that she is so healthy and I still feel guilt for not providing her with the best through my diet and through my breast milk. But, I still can’t shake the relief I felt to know I could allow myself to stop.
As you know, I had a lot of trouble with breastfeeding in the beginning. I can certainly relate to your searching for reasons to justify the end of the breastfeeding relationship. In the end, I’m definitely glad I was able to persist (and it did get easier eventually — MUCH easier), but after what I went through, I would never, ever judge another mom for her decision to switch to formula.
Here in BC, some 95% of women are breastfeeding immediately after birth (i.e. in the hospital), yet only 29% breastfeed exclusively for six months (ref: http://www.straight.com/article-151971/breastfeeding-gets-cold-shoulder-hospitals). This tells me we have some serious gaps in breastfeeding support for new moms!
Thank you for your comment and the link. I would never judge them either. Although I judged myself pretty harshly. I hope this lil post will help other new moms.
I am astonished that peolpe would jump to conclusions before reading your whole article. I am kind of 50-50 on this issue because I am a breastfeeding mother who does BF my son in public, (and in Target in the past.) My husband and mother agree no one really can tell what I am doing as I wear a cover and insure to keep my breast covered and away until I put my cover on. Baby goes underneath and no one can see anything. I think it would be nice to have a private place, but I know I am too busy to stop my shopping and go to the private room, therefore I use my best judgment and even sometimes borrow my husbands to ensure I am respecting myself and others. I have had one women voice her opinion to me to then find out after lots of screaming that she was unable to BF and I could sense some jealousy, other than that I believe peolpe kind of curiously look at me and my baby and wonder what is going on. Brandi, it is your RIGHT to speak on whatever you please and I commend this because there are so many who do it in bad taste or do not do it at all.
Joan,Thank you for your comment. First of all, I know plnety of babies who were not breastfed and are far healthier than ones who were, but I actually agree with you. I think breastfeeding is EXTREMELY important, and it’s my belief that every child who can be breastfed, should, so please don’t assume things about me that you don’t know to be true.Also, I also feel that breastfeeding very common, seeing as how the human race has survived all these years because of it. It’s just as common as sex or urinating. However, some things need to be done in private. I don’t urinate in the middle of a store; I go to a separate room because there are parts of my body that others don’t need to see, and I’m sure they don’t want to see. The same goes for breastfeeding. It’s common, it’s healthy, it’s natural, it’s wonderful—and it needs to be done in private. Excuse me if I don’t want my children to seeing a strange woman’s breast—even if it is during the wonderful, miraculous act of breastfeeding.I know plnety of women who feel the same way as I, who are modest, and who make sure that this is done in private. There is such a thing as a breast pump; however, I realize that this is not always easily accomplished or even possible for some women.If a baby must be breastfed in a crowd, then measures should be taken to make sure that the woman and baby are covered or are out of site. I’ve been in the same room with women who breastfed, but they did so in a way that they were comfortable, modest, and discreet, and they did so out of respect for themselves and out of respect for the others who were present. Thanks again. Hope to see more comments from you in the future.Brandi
, it’s obvious to me that you read my reply to Joan, and trfeehore I’m a bit confused by your comment. You seem to believe that I’m in disagreement with you about being discreet when I clearly say, If a baby must be breastfed in a crowd, then measures should be taken to make sure that the woman and baby are covered or are out of site. I’ve been in the same room with women who breastfed, but they did so in a way that they were comfortable, modest, and discreet, and they did so out of respect for themselves and out of respect for the others who were present. Also, notice that I say measures should be taken meaning that I’m all in favor of a comfortable room for just that breastfeeding. Do I think laws should be put in place making stores provide such a room? No. Do I think it would be nice if stores WOULD provide the room out of respect for the mothers? Yes. As a mother, I would not want to be forced to do such a thing in front of others because I would be very uncomfortable doing so. It would be nice to have a private room available. As far as your comment, Unless you are a mom who has breastfed you have no right to comment about breast pumps, etc. WOW! Just WOW! First of all, I said, There is such a thing as a breast pump; however, I realize that this is not always easily accomplished or even possible for some women. So, I acknowledge that this can’t always be done and go on to say that, for this reason, it would be nice if measures could be put in place to accomodate mothers so that they can feed in private, and you say I have no right to comment about breast pumps? Very confused here, but the fact that you’ve turned my words around on me is not what bothers me. It’s the fact that you say I have no RIGHT to comment. Really? No RIGHT? I thought we lived in a free country where everyone had the right to express his/her opinions, although those rights are being ever more infringed upon and trampled on. And it’s because I value my RIGHTS to speak on whatever topic that I wish that I have started this blog and that I am politically active and trying to exercise my RIGHT as a citizen to be involved in protecting those rights. That’s also the point I was trying to make about the nurse-in when I said that I wish people were spending their time getting involved to protect our country so that those precious little breast-feeding babies will be able to enjoy the freedoms that their parents have enjoyed instead of facing the hard times that are sure to come if people don’t wake up and if our government doesn’t get itself under control.It is your comment that I have no right to comment about breast pumps that makes me sad, Pam. I think it’s great that you breastfeed your child. I believe that it’s a beautiful, miraculous act that is in the best interest of your child but, like you, I believe it should be discreet. By they way, I have three children.